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my love letter to two thousand and eleven,

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goodbye 2011

Dear Two Thousand and Eleven or Twenty Eleven,
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It has truly been a memorable year full of excitement, adventures, new experiences, learning experiences, opportunities, meeting people, new discoveries and inspiration and finally, writing my script. I cannot believe a whole year has come and gone and we've reset the year and now it's January 2012. At the end of every year, I like to look back and review the past year in my own life and around the world. I picked up Time: The Year in Review to better remember all the events of 2011.

time: the year in review

Bad stuff first:
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="http:>January 11Flooding and mudslides in the Brazilian state of Rio de Janeiro kills 903.
January 14Arab Spring: The Tunisian government falls after a month of increasingly violent protests; PresidentZine El Abidine Ben Ali flees to Saudi Arabia after 23 years in power.
January 24– 37 people are killed and more than 180 others wounded in a bombing at Domodedovo International Airport in Moscow, Russia.
February 22 - March 14– Uncertainty over Libyan oil output causes crude oil prices to rise 20% over a two-week period following the Arab Spring,[12] causing the 2011 energy crisis.
March 11– A 9.1-magnitude[13]earthquake and subsequent tsunami hit the east of Japan, killing 15,840 and leaving another 3,926 missing. Tsunami warnings are issued in 50 countries and territories. Emergencies are declared at four nuclear power plants affected by the quake.
March 15– Arab Spring: Hamad bin Isa Al Khalifa, King of Bahrain declares a three-month state of emergency as troops from the Gulf Co-operation Council are sent to quell the civil unrest.
March 17– Arab Spring and the Libyan civil war: The United Nations Security Council votes 10-0 to create a no-fly zone over Libya in response to allegations of government aggression against civilians.
March 19– Arab Spring and the Libyan civil war: In light of continuing attacks on Libyan rebels by forces in support of leader Muammar Gaddafi,[18] military intervention authorized under UNSCR 1973 begins as French fighter jets make reconnaissance flights over Libya.
April 11– Former Ivorian President Laurent Gbagbo is arrested in his home in Abidjan by supporters of elected President Alassane Ouattara with support from French forces thereby ending the 2010–2011 Ivorian crisis and civil war.
May 22 - A powerful twister hits Joplin, Mo. Deadliest tornado to hit the U.S. since 1947.
June 4– Chile's Puyehue volcanoerupts, causing air traffic cancellations across South America, New Zealand, Australia and forcing over 3,000 people to evacuate.
June 5Arab Spring: Yemeni PresidentAli Abdullah Saleh travels to Saudi Arabia for treatment of an injury sustained during an attack on the presidential palace. Protesters celebrate his transfer of power to his Vice-PresidentAbd al-Rab Mansur al-Hadi.
June 12– Arab Spring: Thousands of Syrians flee to Turkey as Syrian troops lay siege toJisr ash-Shugur.
July 20 - Goran Hadžić is detained in Serbia, becoming the last of 161 people indicted by the International Criminal Tribunal for the former Yugoslavia.[30]
The United Nations declares a famine in southern Somalia, the first in over thirty years.
July 22– 76 people are killed in twin terrorist attacks in Norway after a bombing in the Regjeringskvartalet government center in Oslo and a shooting at a political youth camp on the island of Utøya.
July 31 - In Thailand over 12.8 million people are affected by severe flooding. The World Bank estimates damages at 1,440 billion baht (US$45 billion)[37]. Some areas are still six - feet underwater, and many factory areas remained closed, at the end of the year. 790[38] people are killed, with 58 of the country's 77 provinces affected.
September 10Zanzibar ferry sinking: The MV Spice Islander I, carrying at least 800 people, sinks off the coast of Zanzibar, killing 240 people.
September 12– Approximately 100 Kenyans die after a petrol pipeline explodes in Nairobi.
September 19– With 434 dead, the United Nations launches a $357 million appeal for victims of the 2011 Sindh floods in Pakistan.
October 4 - 2011 Mogadishu bombing: 100[51] people are killed in a car bombing in the Somali capital Mogadishu.[52]
The death toll from the flooding of Cambodia's Mekong River and attendant flash floods reaches 207.
October 23– A magnitude 7.2 Mwearthquake jolted eastern Turkey near the city of Van, killing 604 people, and damaging about 2,200 buildings.
December 16Tropical Storm Washi causes 1,257 flash flood fatalities in the Philippines with 85 people are officially listed as missing.

Good stuff last:
="http:>April 29– An estimated two billion people watch the wedding of Prince William, Duke of Cambridge and Catherine Middleton at Westminster Abbey in London.
May 1– U.S. President Barack Obama announces that Osama bin Laden, the founder and leader of the militant group Al-Qaeda, has been killed during an American military operation in Pakistan.
July 7– The world's first artificialorgan transplant is achieved, using an artificial windpipe coated with stem cells.
July 21Space Shuttle Atlantis lands successfully at Kennedy Space Center after completing STS-135, concluding NASA's space shuttle program.
September 5India and Bangladesh sign a pact to end their 40-year border demarcation dispute.
December 15– The United States formally declares an end to the Iraq War.

R.I.P. Steve Jobs, Elizabeth Taylor, Betty Ford, Cy Twombly, Amy Winehouse, Sidney Lumet and other amazing people who made a huge contribution to the world.

It's really hard to enjoy life when you hear all the bad things and events that occurred over the year. It's so easy to be self involved, you don't even realize there's a whole world out there and people are suffering and fighting to survive. It's so easy to be complacent, self indulgent and so involved in our own self inflicted stress and depression - it haunts me. I try not to preoccupy myself too much in my own self involvement and indulgence, because I feel a tremendous amount of guilt. Whenever I have a moment to think, I try to be grateful for everything I have and then I think about what's the meaning of life?:

Life starts at birth (well actually it starts at conception and wink wink) and then our parents (hopefully both) nurse and nurture us and we learn and our brains develop. Then we go to kindergarten, then elementary school, then middle school/secondary school, then high school, then sometimes college and then we get a fancy or pretty useless degree, then some go off to do a Masters, maybe even a PhD and then we work. We work, or search for work, keep searching, keep working, earn some money, not enough money, earn some more money, do three part time jobs just to pay the rent, earn more money, pay taxes, not getting paid enough, pay more taxes, wait for money to come back, live, earn money, work, live, maybe meet someone, that person breaks your heart, cry for months, move on, meet someone else, break their heart, cry some more, live, live, work, work, eventually get married to the wrong person but you don't know at that moment, cry some more, work, earn money, pay taxes, earn just enough for retirement, get retired, wait for death. Death.

I'm really trying to understand the meaning of life. 42. That was easy. No, in all seriousness, I constantly think about the meaning of life, especially after I read about the disasters and civil unrest and the ongoing conflicts and wars. There is so much evil in the world and it numbs me. I don't know how to enjoy life without feeling that guilt. But when I read a book or watch a movie or watch television, I feel that momentary bliss and then I forget and just let go. I want to live life to the fullest and I really want to give back. Hopefully, I will build a life for myself and be able to give back and help others in some little way, because it will help me sleep better at night.

Word of the Year:Tergiversate
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A panel of editors, lexicographers and others at Dictionary.com have chosen the Word of the Year for 2011. The word is... Tergiversate. Pronounced "ter-JIV-er-sate", it means“to change repeatedly one's attitude or opinions with respect to a cause, subject, etc.; equivocate.
So we could say that, in 2011, the stock market tergiversated; or that the public tergiversated about Occupy Wall Street.
"We're taking a stand on this choice," Jay Schwartz, Dictionary.com's Head of Content told The Huffington Post. "We think that it's immensely rewarding to find existing words that capture a precise experience, and this year, tumult has been the norm rather than the exception. There are contested public spaces around the world, where people are demonstrating in one direction or another. Opinions and circumstances have been oscillating so much.
"This word encompasses an sense of 'flip flopping' but it also implies a number of other complicating forces. Unlike 'flip flop', 'tergiversate' suggests a lack of intentionality - it's a change in state more out of necessity, as new events happen at great speed, whether in the economy, politics or attitudes."
The word's origins come from the Latin for "to turn one's back". Though not in common usage, it was utilized by The Times of London in August to describe the changing attitudes of stock markets.
According to Schwartz, the team considered other words, including "occupy", "austerity", "jobs" (both the noun and the person), "zugzwang" and "insidious".
However, though they may have tergiversated during their discussions, there will be no more tergiversation on the matter. It's Dictionary.com's Word of The Year 2011.

time person of the year the protester

Person of the Year: "The Protester"

No one could have known that when a Tunisian fruit vendor set himself on fire in a public square, it would incite protests that would topple dictators and start a global wave of dissent. In 2011, protesters didn’t just voice their complaints; they changed the world.
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Style Icons and Actresses of the Year: Elle Fanning (Super 8, Twixt, We Bought a Zoo), Kirsten Dunst (this was her year, winning the Best Actress Award at Cannes for Melancholia), Emily Browning (Sucker Punch and Sleeping Beauty), Michelle Williams (Blue Valentine, My Week with Marilyn), Carey Mulligan (Drive,Shame, The Great Gatsby), Alexa Chung (as usual) and Rooney Mara (The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo) and Zooey Deschanel (New Girl).

I hope everyone had a lovely 2011 and now get ready for 2012 and the apocalypse. I feel like with the apocalypse looming, it ups the ante for me. I want to really live outside my comfort zone and be more daring and fearless. I don't have too much holding me back, which is a blessing to me. I feel like I'm so much stronger emotionally and I'm ready to take on 2012. I'm ready to fight for my future. I'm ready to really live.

It's official, I just moved into a new place in Williamsburg. Woo! New year, new place! New hopes and dreams.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... HAPPY NEW YEAR! 2012!

Goodbye 2011 and hello 2012!

Much Love,
Avalonne


1/1/12

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still moving graffiti

Happy New Year! Goodbye 2011 and hello 2012!

Wishing you all a beautiful 2012. May your wishes come true. Be healthy, be safe, be happy. I'm so thankful for all the memories from 2011 and I look forward to more exciting adventures and opportunities. Work hard, play hard, enjoy life (before the apocalypse ends it all, haha).
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new year's resolutions for 2012

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new years resolutions
secondhand matisse book, the perks of being a wallflower birthday gift from marissa, red moleskine: my memoir, flowerbomb by viktor & rolf - my new scent, my fuck love locket from brooklyn charm, casio gold watch

I was looking over my resolutions from 2011 and it surprises me how bad I am at keeping resolutions. As the years go on, the essential resolutions remain the same and yet I have so much trouble keeping with them. I always tell myself to exercise more and do yoga, but I've been singing the same song for four years now and I have yet to step into a yoga studio. But I was talking to my friend Jane and I've decided this year I will definitely start yoga. She told me about Yoga to the People in the East Village which is based on donations, so I'm going. Finally.

I always tell myself to spend less money and save up and eat in more, but I always have trouble in these departments. But 2012 is the year I have to become more budget conscious. I am making my own short film, which means I absolutely need to stay in budget and this should help me out with my own personal budgeting issues.

I have compiled a list of resolutions and goals for 2012 and I look forward to looking back on them at the end of the year. I hope this year, I will accomplish more and be more proactive and productive. I need to participate more, as Charlie in The Perks of Being a Wallflowers keeps talking about. I am participating in 2012!

#1. Focus on career. Don't find love. I told myself last year not to find love and guess what? I didn't find "love" or anything near the fanciful idea, but I'm so glad to be living my life and dream in New York and being single is part of the whole experience. I have decided that I'm probably going to be single for a long time, because I need to focus on myself, my career and my future and I have no time for any romantic entanglements. And the truth is that there are no prospects, but hey, that works for me. It's not like a man in my life would make me feel fulfilled, so I don't need or want a man in my life.

I'm at the point of my life where I get to really experience life and enjoy the moments of self discovery and no one can taint this experience for me. I have realized that if I were with someone and something bad happened, those memories would forever be tainted and I would feel resentment towards those moments. I am glad that no one can ruin these first New York memories and adventures. I (HEART) NEW YORK!

#2. Exercise: yoga and kickboxing. I have been ranting on and on about yoga for years. I would pick up an old journal from 2008 and that's when I first decided that I wanted to do yoga. Four years have gone by and I still haven't stepped into a yoga studio yet. But this will all change this year, because I am finally in the right mindset to take on yoga. Believe it or not, but (I heard) yoga is a very intense physical workout. I'm sure a lot of people out there enjoy yoga. 2011 was all about building thick skin in order to survive this brutal city and now I just need a physical outlet to de-stress. Emotionally, I've become stronger, but now I need my body to feel the same kind of empowerment. I am so ready for you, yoga.

#3. Spend less money and save up. Self explanatory.

#4. Be better at staying in touch with friends.
="http:> Since I've moved to New York, now I have five sets of friends: Hong Kong, Benenden, London, San Francisco and now New York friends. It's moments like this when I am thankful for Facebook, because it does make keeping in touch a lot easier. But at the end of the day, I have to put in the effort. I hope to be better at keeping in touch with people I care about.

#5. Make my short film. I am finally going to write, produce and direct my own short film. I'm going to publish my online funding campaign with Indie Go Go by the end of this week. After interning and working on four feature films, I'm finally ready to take on the task of producing my own short film. I don't think I was even close to being ready or mentally prepared, but now I have built the mental strength and knowledge to embark on this journey. I know that it's going to be a challenging and ambitious project, but I'm ready to be proactive. I am ready to make this all a reality.

#6. (Still haven't) watch(ed) all Woody Allen movies.
="http:> Self explanatory.

#7. Keep up with blog and respond to comments.
="http:> Self explanatory.

#8. Paint and sketch. After going to see the Stieglitz and his Artists: Matisse to O'Keeffe exhibition at The Met on Monday, it sparked my desire to paint and sketch again. I want to start painting with watercolors and I want to draw with crayons and pastels. I just need to be more crafty with my hands, because so much of my life is technology oriented and I just want to work more with my hands and produce art. I was so mesmerized (as usual) by Matisse's color palette and the beautiful paintings of John Marin, Paul Signac, Charles Demuth, Arthur Dove and Abraham Walkowitz.

#9. Take up a new hobby. I've always wanted to learn to play the acoustic guitar, but I have a hard enough time playing the bass guitar, I don't know if I can handle two more strings. If I stay in the U.S. (which I hope I do), I will buy a second hand acoustic guitar and learn to play it. I need music in my life and unfortunately, I wasn't gifted with a musical inclination, but I'll always enjoy listening to music and hopefully one day, I will be able to somewhat play the guitar. I also want to take singing lessons. Maybe. We'll see.

#10. Cook more.
="http:> Self explanatory.

#11.
="http:>Read a book a week/every two weeks. Last year, I discovered the true joy of reading. I compiled my reading list, which was based off BBC's reading list. I purchased a few of the books from the list, but I have yet to go through them. I've really come to enjoy reading and it will take time to become a faster reader, but I know I will get there. I look forward to expanding my literary knowledge and book collection.

#12. Read TIME, The New Yorker, Monocle and The Economist. I have decided that I need to be more aware and how will I become more aware? I need to start reading current affairs magazines. Last week, I picked up TIME Magazine for the first time of my life. It was an empowering moment. I have decided that I need to be more update to the on goings of the world. This is the year.

#13. Read the news every day.
="http:> Self explanatory.

#14. Go to more museums and exhibitions. I visited the MOMA once in July last year and then the Met on Monday. This is unacceptable, since I live in the heart of art and culture. I need to visit the MOMA again and I'll need to return to the Met at least four times, because that place is huge and they always have new exhibitions. I still need to go to the Whitney, Guggenheim, Museum of Natural History, Brooklyn Museum, etc. etc.

#15. Design textile(s) with Inez. More on that later.

#16. Discover new bands and songs every month. Create a music mix every month.
="http:> Self explanatory.

#17. Start observing Analog Sunday again. Last year, I introduced the idea of Analog Sunday into my lifestyle. At the beginning, it was relatively easy to adhere to, but then it just became impossible. Which is upsetting, because I love the idea behind it and I need to take a one day break from technology once a week. This year, I will observe Analog Sunday until the end of the year, unless I absolutely need to use my laptop if it's work related. Other than work reasons, I shall not use technology for the entire day. Instead, I will paint, draw, read, write, play scrabble, play with my Rubik's cube, play chess, take a walk, go to a museum, go see a movie at the Angelika, Nighthawk, Sunshine, IFC Center or Film Forum etc. I'm excited again!

#18. Keep up with my Instagram. And post a round up at the end of every month. I also need to take more photos of New York, because New York is my muse. I've also decide to paint and sketch New York landscapes, because I feel so inspired by this glorious and wondrous city. I feel so inspired by this city and I need to document it as much as possible.

#19. Live more. Participate. Life is moving so quickly and sometimes I feel like I'm just a spectator. I'm constantly people watching and imagining what their lives are like. I'm inside my own head way too often and I've realized that I need to participate more in my own life and life itself. I need to stop being a spectator and really be out there and doing something with my life. I hope this year I will be more fearless, productive and proactive.

#20. Do things out of my comfort zone, without compromising my integrity. Same as the previous, but really be fearless and courageous and step outside my comfort zone, but without compromising my integrity. At the end of the day, I want to look back at my accomplishments and feel proud of myself and the type of self assurance that is well deserved. I will keep my moral compass intact for as long as I shall live.
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empire state of mind

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empire state of mind

I finally made my way up to the top of the Empire State Building (on my 7th month in New York). It was an experience to remember. It may seem like such a touristy thing to do, but it is in fact a breathtaking experience. You get to see how majestic and magical New York City truly is. On street level, you see the trash and other unsightly creatures that shall remain unnamed, but the truth is New York City is still a grand and glorious city. It has history. It has class. It is dynamic. It has this inexplicable and enigmatic energy. The moment you move here, you will want to stay here for the rest of your life. New York isn't just the glamorous city you see in Sex and the City and Gossip Girl. It's not just the rich uptown folk, there's the gritty side of New York City and then there's Brooklyn, Queens and let's not neglect to mention The Bronx and Staten Island. This city has so much character. Different boroughs have different energies. Different neighborhoods have different scenes.

I cannot wait to live my dream in New York City. I cannot wait to call this place my home forever. I love you, New York City.
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the making of: how to be a filmmaker without losing your soul

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preparing for indiegogo campaign
my fifth draft of the script, my memoir: volume one (moving onto volume two very soon), my seven year pen, sketchbooks for brainstorming and campaigning ideas, martin luther king, jr. artwork by faith ringgold

“I’ve been absolutely terrified every moment of my life - and I’ve never let it keep me from doing a single thing I wanted to do.”
- Georgia O'Keeffe

How many times have you been told "no, you're not good enough" or "no, you won't make it" or "no, it's impossible"? Everyday we're bombarded with the idea that we can't achieve our goals. No no no no no no no no no. I think we're so negative, because most of us have lost our fire, our drive, our will to fight. I also think that pessimism is the easier option. It takes a lot of courage to be optimistic and hopeful. The truth is we're all scared. We're scared of failure, we're scared of disappointing our loved ones, we're scared of disappointing ourselves, we're scared of eternal sadness and regret. I'm terrified. I am truly terrified and my fear paralyzes me. Then I stop for a moment and I want to slap myself silly, because I remember that some people have it way worse than me. Then I get upset at myself for being so scared, because there are people out there who are homeless, hungry, sick, on their deathbed and I'm whining about how scared I am.

It is unacceptable. This is why I decided to be a writer and director. It's simple enough. Write a script and direct it. What's the hard part? Producing it. Let me rewind back. I genuinely feel anger when I am told "no". It doesn't bother me in a way that I don't think I'm good enough, it just angers me when someone who doesn't even know me tells me I can't do it. I know there needs to be a balance of optimism and being realistic, but if I'm going to be realistic, I might as well just give up now. But is that an option? No. That's a good no. I have been dealing with the internal conflict of balancing optimism and practicality. I have chosen a path that is challenging and competitive, but what career path isn't challenging and competitive? It's a battlefield out there and I'm not just talking about the U.S. I mean the whole world.

I remember when I first knew I wanted to be in film; I knew it was the right choice for myself, because I couldn't picture myself doing anything else. But that was way back when I had no idea what that really entailed. When kids dream of being a director or working in film, they have no idea how stressful and competitive and toxic the industry really is. But now that I've had a taste of it, I still know with more certainty than ever that I absolutely want to do this for the rest of my life. The moment I realized my passion, I was told that I couldn't do it. I remember there was so much doubt about my dream, because it wasn't a "typical" or practical career. There was a lot of negativity and doubt, but I (now) understand where that doubt came from. I understand that doubt comes from fear and the fear is completely rational, because we're all scared of the unknown.

Now I have finally reached a point where I am ready to let go of the fear. Fear is not allowed to stop me from doing what I want to in life, because I deserve a chance. I think everyone deserves a chance to really pursue their dream. It's not fair that some people are more privileged than others. It's not fair that some people get lots of chances and some get none. I think it's all in the state of mind. Drive and passion come from within. We all have the potential to really strive and fight for our goal. I am sick and tired of letting my fear get in the way, because it has been in my way long enough. I am letting go of the fear and doubt and I'm going to put myself out there to be criticized. I'm ready.

To my second point: I want my voice to be heard through my movies. I know that's a lot to ask from a movie by an unknown like me, but I have something to say and I think I have a pretty valid voice and I want people to hear me. I want to say that I want to make movies for both selfless and selfish reasons. Let me explain. I want to tell stories that speak to people and I want my voice to be heard. That's a pretty selfish reason, right? And at the end of the day, the film industry is a business and not just an art form - so movies cost money. But as for selfless reasons, I want to make movies that can help at least one person, to comfort them or to somehow guide them. I hope that doesn't sound pretentious. If it does, let me know and I'll have to re-word that.

I watch movies to feel inspired. Or rather I watch certain movies to get inspiration. I watch sad movies, because I feel more grateful and hopeful at the end. I don't know if other people do that too, but I prefer sad and open endings. I love art, because I love the story behind the art and artist. I just love being inspired to be a better person and I guess that's why I chose a creative path in life. I just know that I have a lot to say and if one day I can be heard - that's all I want. I don't need to be the next Woody Allen (because I will be realistic, I won't ever reach his level), I won't be the next Quentin Tarantino, Michel Gondry, Darren Aronofsky, Sam Mendes, Alexander Payne, etc. But I just want to write stories and make movies that are truthful and honest.

I know I have to fight for what I believe in, because no one else is going to fight my battles. It is a battlefield out there, but I will fight for my dream. However, I absolutely will not compromise my integrity in order to get there first. I have my morals, I am super strict in that department, because I absolutely believe that if I ever lose my soul in the process of it all, I might as well just not try at all. I kind of love my soul. I think that some people can be so consumed with the idea of succeeding first, they end up losing their soul on the way and do some pretty regrettable things. I think that may come from a competitive nature. I am more ambitious than I am competitive. I have friends who also have career goals in film and I am completely supportive toward their goals, because there's lot of room for all of us.

I don't think someone deserves a better chance than someone else. I think we all deserve the same chance to go out there and fight for our dreams. I think soul is such an important part to creating art and unfortunately, some people don't have a soul anymore, because they forgot their original dream. This is why I am writing this, because I refuse to compromise my integrity, I refuse to lose my soul, I refuse to let this competitive industry ruin who I am. I'm not saying that everyone in Hollywood or the film industry have their lost souls, but I'm sure it has affected quite a few people. I want to be in an environment where everyone loves their craft. The film industry is a business, it is a job and when people are so stressed out, they end up resenting their job - just like any job. But I hope that I love my job every day, because life is too short to hate your passion. I know when you're working, time is money, lalala, but I think having fun is also really important, because we're human at the end of the day - we are not robots or zombies.

This also plays a huge factor of retaining your soul. We're human and we have to pay the bills, pay the rent, pay taxes and that means we have to find a job. If we end up working in the creative field, we tend to hope to do what we love, but chances are a lot of people have become jaded by the whole experience. I refuse to become jaded. I hope we can all work together, get the work done and have fun at the same time. I know I may sound overly and naively optimistic, but I think that I can find that balance and I hope other people can too.

I truly wish everyone success in their endeavors, because we all deserve to dream and fight for our beliefs. I believe that I can do this, because I have let go of the fear and inhibitions. I truly want this. To my third point, I am making my first film this Spring and I am truly excited (and yes a little scared, but go away fear). My IndieGoGo Campaign will be up and running by the end of the week. I hope I can interest you in making a donation of any size or just spreading the word would be amazing. Thank you so much.

To conclude, I would like to share Martin Luther King, Jr's famous speech about racial equality and civil rights. Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day!

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martin luther king, jr.="http:>

try a little tenderness

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This really makes me weak at the knees.

shyness - indiegogo campaign

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http://www.indiegogo.com/Shyness-Short-Film


"I've been absolutely terrified every moment of my life - and I've never let it keep me from doing a single thing I wanted to do.”
- Georgia O'Keeffe

About Shyness

Shyness is about chance meeting. Everyday we encounter lots of people. We walk by them. We sit next to them, but that doesn't necessarily mean we make eye contact or talk to them. Loneliness is part of the human condition, but we are eager to communicate and better understand our surroundings. What happens when you see someone that makes you want to make eye contact? Striking up a conversation with a complete stranger actually takes guts and courage, it's not as easy as you may think. And the reason we don't have courage is because of fear. Fear of rejection, fear of the unknown.

What if it's your only chance? Do you seize the moment? Or do you let it escape you forever? Chance is that moment when two or more events occur at one time, but if that moment is not seized, that moment becomes nothing. We need those something moments, because those moments can change your life. That single moment can become something permanent. This is what both characters are trying to figure out in their own lives. And this is also something I'm trying to incorporate into my own life. If there's something you want, you should go for it. This is the life philosophy that I want to live by. Shyness is my attempt to really participate in life.

Shyness tells a story of fear and courage. Fear is what stands between you and your dream and courage is what you need to make your dream become a reality. A story about two people who meet is quite ordinary, but a story about chemistry has the potential to be extraordinary. The story is set in the magical, romantic and gritty streets of New York City. Any place can be magical, because we make our experiences and memories. During this chance meeting, the two characters find themselves in the same place at the same time and they share an open dialogue about things that matter and things that don't matter.


The Impact

Shyness is essentially my love letter to life. My appreciation for life has brought me on this adventure, to express my inner thoughts and share them in the form of a (short) film - my very first short film.

"Life is a daring adventure of nothing" as Helen Keller once said. Life should be a daring adventure, which means risks have to be taken. This effort will be one of the riskiest things I will have done thus far. For years, I felt paralyzing and gripping fear of failure, but after writing and investing so much into the story and characters, it is time to conquer fear and go for it. Making this film will be my first step to living a daring and adventurous life.

Shyness is, to me, a life metaphor, an opportunity, my chance to grow, to learn, to change, to create and most of all, to have fun. This is my opportunity to enjoy life and every single emotion at the same time. This journey will be exciting, scary, fun, uncertain and stressful, but I'm ready. My story is about seizing every opportunity, despite your fears, doubts and shyness.

Life will always be an uncertain journey and fear may be a constant, but we can't let our fears stop us from doing the things we want to. This is what I want for myself, for my characters and for you. Drive and passion comes from within. We all have the potential to strive and fight for our goal.

This is my turn to fight for what I believe in and I will not compromise my integrity and morals. I think it's important to have a belief and the drive to pursue, but it is also important to keep our morals intact and not lose our soul in the process, because I kind of love my soul. I want to be ambitious, not competitive. I want to love my passion everyday, because life is too short to hate your passion.


What We Need & What You Get

Directing a film seems like such a wonderful experience. Picture a director's chair. Wait, what director's chair? This is going to be a low budget short film. Filmmaking isn't as glamorous as it seems. It's quite an arduous and exhausting process. I'm sure you've seen all those filmmaking What I Really Do Memes, so you already know. Making a film is a costly endeavor. The money that will be raised via IndieGoGo will go towards the cast and crew, equipment, meals, transportation, gas and parking and post production costs. The goal budget is actually much higher than $4000, but with your generous contribution, I hope to raise more than the proposed goal. Any donation, no small how small, helps!

To express my greatest and sincerest gratitude for your contribution, perks will be included with every donation. There will be postcards, posters, DVDs and tote bags, handmade and designed by me and my friend Inez Galvez.


Other Ways You Can Help

Any amount of support helps, because it gives me more courage and energy to keep going and fighting. Every dollar will help me closer to my goal. If you can't donate, please share this link with your friends and family. Getting the word out there. Let's make some noise! Sing it! Scream it! Please feel free to like my Facebook page, follow me on Twitter and spread the word. Good luck with everyone's endeavors!

Thank you for your attention and support! And a special thank you to IndieGoGo and Vimeo for giving me this platform to help me make my short film.

Email: avalonnehall@gmail.com
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/shynessfilm
Twitter: http://twitter.com/avalonnehall

breathe

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I promise I'll be back. 2012 is getting interesting.

lights out, words gone

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San Francisco May 2012. Thanks for all the memories. Be back soon. All my love. ∞

More later...


hits

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HITS
HITS (formerly Jump into the Gospel), 5/11/2012, The Knitting Factory

Let me preface this by saying, this isn't obvious (but my friends are completely aware and now you will too), since I haven't posted on my blog in months, but since September 2011, I've been in love with a band called Jump into the Gospel. I mentioned this in the Tergiversate: Music Mix of 2011 post last December - I had fallen in love with some amazing music. I was going through a period of no new music and I was getting bored of my usual go to bands and songs. But out of nowhere, I discovered Jump into the Gospel and I became so inspired. One of the best things about following a band is discovering other bands. This happened when I was following We Are The Physics! I discovered so many other awesome bands because of them and I loved it. So I'm completely ecstatic about this band. As of last month, they go by a new name - HITS. I'm really excited about their new music and sound and I can't wait for their EP, which comes out on June 26th!

Check out their new single Madness here!

I just saw them tonight with my friend Sasha at Glasslands Gallery. I personally had an incredible time, since everyone was dancing like they didn't give a damn. Sometimes I just want to bust out some dance moves and really not care at all! Who cares what people think? I think it's the most liberating thing to do... and getting a haircut, tattoo and skydiving and screaming at the top of a cliff or mountain or any high altitude. Sometimes I wish my life was a musical and I could bust into a song and dance number and it would be completely normal and appropriate for the situation. Once in a while, I'd indulge in a little Disney soundtracks and I'd want to sing Belle or I Just Can't Wait To Be King on the street! Why isn't this normal?! Why can't life be a musical? And then we'd learn a great lesson at the end and we'd all sing an epic final song! Applause!

I was in San Francisco last week to visit my friends for their graduation. I was introduced to a few bands or rather I was reacquainted with some bands and now I'm listening to some awesome songs. Summer 2012 Music Mix, anyone? I'm a little bummed, because at the end of last year, I had every intention of creating a monthly music mix, but obviously I got lazy and/or distracted. But I need to be more proactive and I need this creative outlet for myself on a regular basis, I need to get back into the flow of things. In 2010 for a period, I blogged every single day and had new material daily... It was a pretty obsessive, addictive, almost religious time period when I wanted to write every single day, because it fed my creative appetite. I'm feeling the same inspirational liberation and creativity... I can't wait for Summer 2012 to be incredibly creative and intellectually stimulating. I'm so ready! I feel the words flowing through my mind and I feel so excited!

I really hope this is the year... I don't want to put too much pressure on myself, but I feel like I could make 2012 the most amazing year ever... in terms of my career and self growth and education. During the months of January, February and March, I was going through some self inflicted existential crisis - completely unjustified and completely inexplicable. It just hit me out of nowhere. I felt so uninspired, distracted, absentminded... but it's gone and I couldn't be more thankful! So here's to being alive and loving and accepting yourself for who you are. I may not be conventional in some senses, I'm a such a dork, but I completely love who I am and I feel so lucky to be here, in New York, living my dream, feeling inspired... ecstatic... exhilarated... ready!

I'm going to do a Summer 2012 Music Mix! Few favorite songs: Veins by HITS (New EP), Lights Out, Words Gone by Bombay Bicycle Club, Three Trees by Tanlines, Breathe by Télépopmusik, Feel It All Around by Washed Out, Uh by Fujiya and Miyagi. More to come! Stay tuned!

Please enjoy the Avenue Q's last song For Now! These lyrics... amazing. So honest.

the perks of being a wallflower

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the perks of being a wallflower

I am so grateful to have read this incredible book The Perks of Being a Wallflower, which was reintroduced to me by Marissa. Thank you! I remember that night vividly when she mentioned it in conversation. We were walking up Broadway to Union Square and she brought it up and I said I've wanted to read it for a while now. She gave me her copy for my birthday. It was perfect. It changed my life and it has inspired me so much in so many ways. Reading it was such a trip. This isn't just a high school story about any adolescent boy, this coming of age story tells an insightful, reflective and romantic journey of wallflower Charlie. Inspirational and beautifully written. Heartrending and heartfelt.

I don't want to spoil it for anyone who doesn't know about the book or hasn't read it, but it is incredible. I know that movie adaptations will never be as good as the book itself and that's fine, since they are such different mediums, but I want to have faith in the movie, since it was directed by the author Stephen Chbosky. I'm just slightly or rather seriously disappointed in the casting of Sam, because Emma Watson's attempt at an American accent is appalling. Absolutely appalling. No offense. Nevertheless, I think Logan Lerman was perfectly cast as the wallflower we all know and love as Charlie and Ezra Miller as Patrick. The trailer does seem pretty epic and I'm just excited to see such an inspiring story come to life.

September 14th, 2012. And in that moment, I swear we were (are) infinite. ∞

you mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.

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This man has a point. I will promise myself that I won't be afraid to dream a little bigger and be a little more ambitious and confident. Tom Hardy, you are amazing. Almost forgot this incredibly hilarious line. Made my day. Please enjoy!

love letter to the immortal self

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"So therefore I dedicate myself to myself, to my art, my sleep, my dreams, my labors, my suffrances, my loneliness, my unique madness, my endless absorption and hunger - because I cannot dedicate myself to any fellow being." - Jack Kerouac

Dear Avalonne, Dear Me, Dear Myself, Dear You,

When asked "how's your love life?", my immediate response is "non-existent?", then I get an even quicker response: "aww that sucks." Does it REALLY suck? Truthfully? NO! I love that I am single. Single and independent. Yes, single and FABULOUS! Exclamation point! (Sex and the City reference, anyone?!) - not to say that taken people aren't fabulous! If I had a pretty piece of eye candy, I'd have my arm wrapped around him forever.

I'd like to think that I pretty much have it together now - now that I'm finally out of that dark, uninspired, unmotivated, existential crisis phase. I am finally in a good place. I'm actually in a very good, creative, articulate and comfortable place. Don't worry, not too comfortable. It just makes me laugh, well chuckle, when people ask me if I'm seeing someone or how's my love life, because it almost seems like a crime if a young woman my age chooses to be single? Please note: I am the true definition of a single gal since I don't date... at all. Carrie and her cohorts shouldn't be considered as single gals, since she dated a plethora of supposedly disposable men. But I guess at a certain age, when you're not in a long term relationship (not married), you are legally considered single. 

Well, I do not in the slightest think that just because I'm single, I'm at all pathetic or... pathetic! I don't feel pathetic at all. I mean sometimes I can't help but feel the urge to question myself, because so many people around me aren't single / are dating / in a relationship / engaged / married. But I slap myself in the face and remember that I don't even want to "see" anyone. Even if he was 6 foot 3 with a gorgeous head of hair with the voice of an angel (guess who this is) or 6 foot tall, also with a gorgeous head of hair, adorable, irresistible British accent, who by day hides behind horn rimmed glasses and by night swings from building to building (this one has to be obvious) - but I'm just currently very content - happy even, to be single and just enjoying my New York adventure.

So it's true, my love life is very much non existent, but I always love to tell people that work is the love of my life. I have no desire to be in a relationship and it's not because I don't have the capacity, I would just rather immerse myself in work and build towards my career goals and ambitions. I am completely goal oriented and therefore have no desire to pursue any romantic entanglements. I don't think that a man can actually fill whatever void I may feel now or in the future. It took me a really long time to build myself up and my own confidence and self assurance, therefore, I will not allow any man to put me down, doubt me or make me feel worthless. I couldn't be happier and this isn't coming from a pathetic, jealous, single female. Please don't even think that any of these thoughts and beliefs come from a misandrist place. I don't hate men. Well, I don't hate men as a gender. But I will admit that I may dislike a certain one or two men of that gender. Promise: I'm not crazy!

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt

But truthfully, I know (deep down) that I am a relationship person and I absolutely love being in a relationship with all the ups and downs, but the most off putting part about a relationship is being with a man who doesn't pull his weight. I absolutely refuse to be with a guy who doesn't put the same amount of effort into the relationship. I'm the type of commitment person, who isn't afraid of "spending the rest of my life with someone" as long as he feels the exact same about me or at least has the capacity to feel that way about another human being. I absolutely love relationships, but I refuse to let any man make me feel disposable and worthless. I would rather be single for a really long time and work on myself and my career. I feel absolutely empowered and in control of myself.

To conclude, I am writing this lovely love letter to myself to remind myself and other people who are feeling [fill in the blank] that there's nothing wrong with being single and/or alone. This is the greatest opportunity ever to make yourself the best possible version of yourself! Please note that I have nothing against relationships or people in relationships. I have the utmost respect for my friends and people in relationships, because being in a relationship is like having another full time job. I would be willing to invest in a relationship, if I could ever date one of the two unnamed gentlemen that I described earlier. But as of now, I'm happy and that's all I wanted to say.

Ever thine,
Ever mine,
Ever ours.

Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved. 
ever thine 
ever mine 
ever ours 

by Ludwig van Beethoven, The Third Letter on morning July 7

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." - Eleanor Roosevelt

fancy food friday no. 1

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fancy food friday: maison premiere, williamsburgDate: Friday, June 8th, 2012
Fellow Foodie: Sasha Sabapathy
Restaurant:Maison Premiere
Neighborhood: Williamsburg (right around the corner from where I live)
Cuisine: Seafood, Oyster Bar
Grand Total: $105.60 + 15% (yep you saw right - so broke)
Dollar Oysters: Monday thru Thursday 4PM to 7PM

Dear New York foodies,

You are cordially invited to my weekly Fancy Food Friday. The goal is self explanatory: every Friday I plan on eating well and eating at different restaurants. I live in New York City, a mecca of fine dining and now I'm finally taking action... finally! Good food deserves good company and I would love to experience it with different foodies with different tastes. If you're interested, let's go!

 
I'd like to think that my lifestyle is a mixture of high and low brow. I enjoy fast food - I'm not joking. I love McDonald's in Hong Kong; I would literally go out of my way for their chicken thigh sandwich. Yum. And at the same time, I love good food and fine dining. I have a huge appreciation for good food and in an effort to participate in life and really experience New York, I've decided to do Fancy Food Friday. I've always wanted to enjoy good food at new restaurants on a regular basis, but fine dining is a pricey endeavor in New York or anywhere. Nevertheless, I have decided that fine dining once a week is acceptable and completely necessary.

My first companion this lovely Fancy Food Friday is Miss Sasha Sabapathy. We went to Benenden (boarding school) together, but we were never really close, since we were in different boarding houses and classes. Since she moved to New York last August, we put in the effort to hang out when weren't busy and we've actually bonded and become close - which is super duper awesome! So tonight, we indulged our bellies in fancy oysters, well actually to be precise we ordered:

1 Aphillanthes rosé (for me) - yes I'm drinking now*
1 Noelle Moratin (for Sasha)
1 "La Petite Mason" Plateau - 6 oysters, lobster (the claw!), shrimp, clams
5 (additional) Sewansecott oysters, East Shore, VA
5 (additional) Blackberry Point oysters
1 Shrimp & Andouille Gumbo

The grand total was $105.60 plus 15% tip. Ouch, but we sure did fancy as fancy as gets. Pretty damn badass if you ask me. Initially, my ideal budget per Fancy Food Friday was $25 (whoa totally under budgeted and estimated), but now I've raised it to $35-40 every Friday, therefore a grand total $140-160 a month. Actually now that I really think about it, I might have to raise it to $50 a week. So yes, tonight's Fancy Food Friday was a success. The oysters were freaking delicious. It's funny, when I was younger, the thought of oysters grossed me out, but now they're such a delicious delicacy. In a perfect world, I would want to eat seafood every two weeks, to be honest.

I have a plan for Fancy Food Friday - not only will I blog about it every Friday, I want to:
- take photos of the food (that's a given)
- take a polaroid with my foodie friend(s) of the night
- instagram, tweet, tumblr, facebook the occasion
- FANCY = WEAR EARRINGS

I used to love and wear earrings all the time; it was kind of my thing, having a plethora of fancy drop earrings. But I stopped wearing them since they feel so uncomfortable sometimes. Now I've decided every Fancy Food Friday, I will wear earrings. My first FFF was a huge success and I want to thank Sasha for being a part of this series and for the great conversation and company. I look forward to bonding with people over great food in this magical city of New York. Bon appetit foodies!

fancy clothes, fancy food, fancy company, fancy life.  

* = I am drinking now. I've decided I want to start drinking wine and wine only. Apparently, rosé agrees with me and I can finish an entire glass now and feel pretty good - and not sleepy or sick. Woo, so proud of myself. Wine culture has always fascinated me, so now it's going to slowly be in a new endeavor of mine. Slowly. We'll see.

fancy food friday fellow foodie: sashafancy food friday: maison premiere check

the perks of being an open book

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and wearing my heart on my sleeve.

When I was sixteen, my head was in the clouds for days on end. I was somewhat of an "enigma" (yes I'm calling myself an enigma / I have been told in the past that I'm hard to read and a bit of an enigma or rather I was described as "mysterious"), if you ask me. Because I didn't express myself very much. I didn't voice my opinions either. Maybe it was because I was still young and I had opinions, but didn't know how to articulate them. I just remember that I thought a lot about my future, my goals and interests in life, but I was also going through some teenage angst, which made me inexcusably ungrateful and pathetic. Yes, I can say that I was pretty pathetic. On top of that, I was an academic underachiever - which made everything worse. But it's all in the past and I have definitely grown up a lot in the last eight years - I almost feel like I'm a different person, but in a really good way.

I'm writing this post because I somewhat feel the need to explain, but at the same time, I don't owe anyone any explanation about my openness and how shamelessly uncensored my writing is. In a way, I want to explain, because it might offer you a better understanding of my intentions and thought process, but at the same time, I think everyone has their own reasons and it's their own prerogative to do whatever they want, since the internet gives us this platform to do so.

Since I use to be a closed book, I still would write them, but those thoughts remained private for years. It was to preserve those adolescent ideas of the world and to protect myself from potential ridicule and scrutiny. But having kept those thoughts to myself, I was able to begin to develop and expand my learned ideas of life and the world. It allowed myself the chance to become rather heightened in terms of my observation of people around me. I guess this made me the writer I am.

I guess I started to really open up for the first time in 2007, when I moved to London. I went through this transitional and drastic change in environment, therefore, it made me feel the need to write openly about my emotions and observations. It felt liberating to openly discuss my melancholy state of nostalgia. From then on, I started to write very openly and in detail, whilst keeping names anonymous, and staying very true to describing my emotions. In 2008, I experienced heartbreak for the first time in my life, thus I fell into a deep, dark state of forlorn, depression, self deprecation and pity. Yes, see how open I am right now? It feels great!

After that summer, I became increasingly open about my emotions - I started to really wear my heart proudly on my sleeve. Very proudly. But I only really wrote about it. Obviously, I spoke to my closest friends about it, but I mostly wrote about it as a sense of stress release. This is when I discovered that writing is truly the best form of therapy for me. Whenever I felt hurt or heartbroken, I would write and it would relieve me of any heartbreak and disappointment. So I've been writing openly about my emotions for a while now and I've just realized that I've finally become an open book. Back at boarding school, I had wallflower tendencies, but now I wear my heart on my sleeve with pride and dignity.

A few years ago, I was very non communicative during an old relationship, which ended up affecting the quality and longevity of the relationship, but I learned a great lesson from it. If I'm in a relationship, I have to be open to communicate my feelings and just be god damn honest. I'm here to be open about my thoughts and I am very proud to be able to articulate and share my thoughts in such a shameless and fearless manner. I know I may come off a little crazy and off putting, but I just wanted to explain why there are perks to being an open book. I want to be proud of this and I think you can truly be proud of yourself when you are self assured on your own accord.

Wallflower (people)
 
In social situations, a wallflower is a slang term used to describe shy or unpopular individuals who do not socialize or participate in activities at social events. It is most often used to describe someone who stays close to a wall and out of the main area of social activity. The term originated from ballroom dances, where the people who did not wish to dance (or had no partner) remained close to the walls of the dance hall. The wallflower, genus Erysimum, sometimes grows on old walls.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary (2nd ed), the first known usage of the term in this sense was in an 1820 poem entitled County Ball by Winthrop Mackworth Praed. It was originally used to refer to women, and only in the context of dances; more recently the term has been expanded to include men and other social gatherings.

The book The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky is about a young boy who is a shy awkward high school freshman. In this book the term is used in a slightly different sense, but with a fairly similar meaning.

closed book
n.
A person or thing that cannot be known or understood; something unfathomable or puzzling.

be an open book

1. if a person's life is an open book, you can discover everything about it because none of the details are kept secret Like many film stars, he wants to keep his private life private - he doesn't want it becoming an open book.
2. if someone is an open book, it is easy to know what they are thinking and feeling Sarah's an open book, so you'll know right away if she doesn't like the present you've bought her.

From wallflower to open book. 

and in that moment, i swear we were infinite.

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peony nebula star
image source: peony nebula star settles for silver medal, nasa.gov

“You are both stars, don’t forget it. When the stars exploded billions of years ago, they formed everything that is this world. Everything we know is stardust. So, don’t forget, you are stardust.” - Before Sunrise (1995)

Milestone.An important event, as in a person's career, the history of a nation, or the advancement of knowledge in a field; a turning point. I have survived my first year in New York City and I'm pretty happy with my achievements. Admittedly, I haven't found a full time job, but I'm working on it and more importantly, I'm shooting my first short film Shyness this summer. Although I spent the first few months of 2012 in a rut, I managed to dig myself out of the rut and now I'm in a really good place. We all have our ups and downs and that's what makes life so interesting.

“If you’re not failing every now and then, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything innovative.” - Woody Allen

I felt like I was failing, but failing implies that I was trying and for the most part, I didn't feel like I was capable of trying. I just felt so lost and empty. This creative block sucked the inspiration and life out of me and I felt nothing. During those months, I did manage to work on a few movies and shows, so I'm really thankful that despite what I was feeling inside, I still managed to get some work opportunities and met some great people.

I will always remember my first year in New York fondly. The last twelve months have made me realize that I need to kick start my career now. I spent the last few months wallowing and knee deep in a rut and now I feel rejuvenated and ready to push myself. I'm really excited about shooting my short film Shyness this summer. This is the most challenging thing I've ever done in my entire thing and it's only the beginning. I have a lot to do in the next months, but I'm looking forward to being in complete control of my own work. I'm also really looking forward to seeing what I will achieve by the end of 2012. I already have a six month plan, so let's see how driven and motivated I am!

Without further ado, let's take this opportunity to look back on my first year in New York; the memories, adventures, the people I met, the friends I've been lucky enough to make, the job opportunities and experiences, etc. New York, I Love You!

June 10th, 2011: Packed up most of my shit and moved to New York by myself.
June-August: Lived in Flushing for two months.
July: First internship in New York as assistant to independent producer.
July-August: My FIRST feature film opportunity as art intern, credited as set dresser on Revenge for Jolly! - my first IMDb credit!
August: Caro visited New York for the first time!
August: Had to move out, during the shoot, I had to apartment hunt and found a place in Greenpoint and bumped into Inez! Totally serendipitous and meant to be! We tried to meet up, but failed every time and this time we were meant to bump into each other outside An Nhau on Bedford.
August - September: Internship at Virgine/Ground Magazine.
September 12th: Went to the finals at the US Open, saw Djokovic beat Nadal = epic
September: Saw Mr. Bryan Greenberg at The Canal Room with Sasha, went to Fashion's Night Out at Prada in SoHo with Jason, discovered new music Holy Ghost, therefore discovering my new favorite band Jump into the Gospel
September-October: Interned on another feature Sinister, starring Ethan Hawke. Still can't believe I got to intern on a film with Ethan Hawke. Uh Before Sunrise is one of my favorite films ever!
October: Caro visited again! It snowed that weekend in October!
October: Someday.
November:Blog reinvention - someday. by avalonne hall
November: Got the opportunity to be an additional PA on The Dark Knight Rises, thanks to Giuseppe from Sinister. Bumped into Marcus from Jolly! and met Tina and Amy on that shoot.
November: Shy visited for Thanksgiving weekend. Bourgeois Pig. Best fondue ever!
November-December: One of the most stressful periods of my life was working on Me, You and Five Bucks, but it was such an amazing experience and opportunity and I learned so much from being the second assistant director.
December: Had a little Benenden reunion at Joe's Shanghai with Sasha, Izzy, Sophie, Rachel.
December: Read The Perks of Being a Wallflower, after Marissa gave it to me in October! One of the most inspiring books I've read.
December: Started writing Shyness.
January: Moved to Williamsburg, best location ever!
January: Jonalyn visited for a week! Shopped, dined, did the touristy things and watched 2 Broke Girls!
January-May: Existential crisis / slump / rut.
February: Interned on A Case of You for a few days, more importantly, starring Justin Long and Evan Rachel Wood.
February: Inez had a lovely Valentine's Day Pop Up Shop Party to promote and sell her winter turbans! I shot a little video for her and it was perfect!
February: Shot a little promo video for my IndieGoGo Campaign with Inez.
March: Interned at Show of Force briefly, worked as an additional PA on Person of Interest for three days, I got to see their sets at Silvercup Studios and saw Michael Emerson in the flesh! LOSTIE!, watched the episode Many Happy Returns when it aired in May and you can see my blurry silhouette walk across the screen! Pretty badass if you ask me!
March: Sasha's birthday at La Esquina.
April: Easter lunch at Sasha's. Best roast chicken I've ever had! Then we went to Central Park. Perfect Easter.
April: Worked on student feature Newlyweeds as on set dresser.
April: Saw Revenge for Jolly! twice during Tribeca Film Festival! Can you believe it? That's all I'm going to say here. Tried to get rush tickets for 2 Days in New York, but failed every time! But I saw Ethan and Julie in Chelsea the next day. It's a sign... sort of. The film comes out in August.
May: Photo shoot at Brighton Beach for Inez's exclusive turban line. Shot a behind the scenes video! Then Inez and I returned to Brighton Beach to do a photo shoot for the Crossroads Fashion Photo Contest! Fingers crossed!
May: Jump into the Gospel reinvented themselves with a new name HITS. Their new music is amazing! EP coming out on June 26th! Saw William Beckett and Cara Salimando at The Studio at Webster Hall with Inez. This man is too funny.
May: Went to San Francisco and had the most refreshing time ever. "Refreshing" sounds like a funny word to describe a trip, but it was exactly what I needed and wanted. A reunion with the most amazing people ever. Went there for the graduation. This trip is going to get its own post! ∞
May: After I came back from San Francisco, I found out that there is no way I would be able to get rush tickets for Death of a Salesman, which was terribly upsetting, since I knew about the Broadway Revival since last fall. I just procrastinated and I missed out. So I went to the stage door, just to see Mr. Andrew Garfield in the flesh. That's all I needed. I am such a dork.
May: Feeling rejuvenated. Completely out of the rut. Blogging again. New endeavors. Got a new feature film idea! It just feels amazing to be in control again of my thoughts and my mind.
June: I found the actress for my main character! More on that later!
June 8th: First Fancy Food Friday at Maison Premiere with Sasha!
June 10th, 2012: One year! Bought myself a silver infinity necklace. Can't believe I've been in New York for an entire year. So trippy. Had brunch and celebrated at Tipsy Parson with Tina!
June 12th: Had lunch with Amanda at Cafe Gitane! She and Marissa are the loveliest people ever. Coolest sisters in the world. They're going to take over the world!
June 15th: Fancy Food Friday, Central Park, Moonrise Kingdom with Therese!
June 21st: Accompanied Sasha to get her pinky tattoo. Then went to Inwood Shakespeare in the Park for As You Like It and then dessert at Spot!

One year anniversary∞ 6/10/2011 - 6/10/2012
and in that moment, i swear we were infinite.

boxesview from governor's islandcaro pink wigus open 9/12/2011bryan greenberg!kellogg's dinerretro ladies at the parkretro ladies at the parkso retrostandardfound footage wrap party!inez galvez turbanfirst photo booth sessionhello worldinez photo booth partymini benenden reunioninez and avalonnemy5 production officemy5 wrap partybeforeevil eye bracelet buddies2012 photo boothstill moving = infinity graffitiempire state building 6shirlene and mesasha's birthdayperson of interest screenshotjolly creditsHITSfancy food friday fellow foodie: sashafancy food friday no. 2inwood parkshyness

i spy with my little eye, to fall is connected to trying.

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Mikhael Paskalev is badass. His dance moves are badass. His hair is badass. In awe. Watch the video and be blown away!

fancy food friday no. 2

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pomodoro pastaDate: Friday, June 15th, 2012
Fellow Foodie: Therese Whelan
Restaurant:Pomodoro Rosso
Neighborhood: Upper West Side
Cuisine: Italian
Grand Total: $67.51 + tip

Fancy Food Friday No. 2 was another success. In fact, the entire day was a hugely successful and inspirational day. Where to even begin? Well, the first part of the day was a fail on my part, since I was running late to meet my new friend Laksmi. I met her when she was our lovely server at Cafe Gitane (on Mott St.) - it's a long story for another time (trust me, it deserves its own post). So Laksmi and I met up at Five Leaves in Greenpoint for a late lunch. We talked and talked and talked over a kale salad and Arnold Palmer (for me) and three hours just flew by. Incidentally, a dragonfly flew by and apparently that's good luck. We had such an inspiring and passionate conversation with topics ranging from relationships to movies to ambitions to sex. Considering we just met twice briefly two weeks ago, it was a very open dialogue.

I didn't want to part with the girl, but we both had other engagements for the evening. We parted ways at Union Square, where I continued on the L to 6th Av and switched to the 2 to 72nd. It took me 30 minutes to get from Bedford and N12th to 72th and Broadway - that's pretty impressive! Express train! I got to Upper West Side a little early and I snapped a few photos with my camera and got myself a new bottle of hand sanitizer. I was in such a good mood. The weather was beautiful and I got to observe the beautiful architecture of the neighborhood. I need to spend more time in the Upper West Side.

Therese joined me in her cute outfit, which she described "this is how Owen Wilson would dress, if he were a girl" or something along those lines. She also wore knee high socks, since we had plans to see Moonrise Kingdom after our Fancy Food Friday dinner. We went to Pomodoro Rosso on Columbus Ave and 71st, since I was craving Italian food. I really wanted to get a wine, but I didn't want to be sleepy during the movie, so I went with my ever favorite Shirley Temple (awww I know), because I'm awesome like that. Most of the time when I order a Shirley Temple, I get the same look... like "awww bless" or "awww you're a loser". Haha, I couldn't care less - I've learned not to care so much about what other people think of me. It's great!

I ordered the Gambino alla Costa jumbo shrimp and diver scallop served over linguine primavera in a sherry lemon sauce and Therese had the Gemelli al Giardino pasta twists with sundried tomatoes, broccoli, portabello mushrooms in a parmesan garlic sauce with a touch of tomato. Therese's Sauvignon Blanc was surprisingly delicious, since it was light and sweet, but I knew I didn't want the wine to potentially affect my movie experience. We talked about movies and my past year working on sets, Therese and her Sisters (Hannah and her Sisters - we both love Woody Allen), we talked about celebrities and being starstruck. I would absolutely feel starstruck if I ever saw or met Mr. Woody Allen.

Dinner was absolutely lovely (I'm abusing the word 'lovely' nowadays). As tradition goes, I whipped out my Fujifilm polaroid camera and asked our server to snap two photos of us - one for her, one for me. Excuse me, I also got a photo with Laksmi at Fives Leaves and boy, do people flip out over the camera? People stopped in the middle of the street to watch the server photograph us with the "unusual looking" camera. It's cute, because it is fascinating. I've had the camera since 2010 now and I have a STACK of polaroids that I NEED to scan asap. After dinner, Therese brought me around the corner to see her old apartment and then we went to Strawberry Fields and by the Bethesda Fountain and we saw fireflies. It was so magical and romantic - I felt so alive and grateful. We snapped a few photos in the dark with our phones and cameras, they were all blurry, but I love them.

We walked to the Lincoln Plaza Cinema for the 10:30 showing of Moonrise Kingdom. Please note I've never been a fan of Wes Anderson - this doesn't mean I don't like his work, it just means I've never gone out of my way to watch a Wes Anderson film. But 94 minutes (94 minutes plus 20 minutes of previews) later, this film changed everything. I've never laughed so much in a really long time and The Dictator does NOT count. Slapstick, low brow, offensive humor can make me laugh, but Moonrise Kingdom was something else. Granted, it was a mixture of high and low brow humor, but it was a very enjoyable film. Admittedly, precocious and monotonous children on film annoy me, but Wes Anderson managed to create these really charming children, who have sad pasts and you want to care about/for them. Sometimes deadpan humor bothers me and only a select few can pull off deadpan and still be super cute and charming - cough cough Zooey Deschanel.

Personally, I loved Moonrise Kingdom and even though it could seem a little gimmicky in terms of the characters, writing, setting, cinematography, production and costume design, well everything - you just have to accept that it's a Wes Anderson film and it's bound to be super stylized. I accepted it and embraced it and fell in love. I would absolutely go into full detail about the film, but I don't want to spoil it for anyone. I'm just so glad that it made me laugh so hard and I really fell in love with the characters and that I got to share it with Therese. Fancy Food Friday was a delight and I really didn't want it to end. We'll see what next Friday brings.

fancy clothes, fancy food, fancy company, fancy life. 

pomodoro foodtheresefancy food friday no. 2pomodoro rosso check

needing/getting

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OK Go, you guys are nuts! It's amazing how inspiring and innovative you are. This music video completely blew me away!

de roma con amor

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to rome with love (2012)

To Rome With Love has made me fall even more hopelessly in love with Rome and Italian culture and history. I would drop everything in New York to live in Rome. Okay, maybe that's not true, since I have a lot going on in New York and truthfully, I do love New York. But Rome is seriously such a beautiful city with a rich and romantic (and tragic) history. I would spend a summer there if I could afford it. So I've decided I'm going to learn Italian this summer with the aid of Rosetta Stone. I've always wanted to speak French, but I think right now I would pick Italian over French. I'm really leaning towards Italian though. I can't decide if I love French or Italian cuisine more! If I had to pick between Paris and Rome... I think I'd spend eternity trying to pick one over the other.

I was pleasantly surprised by the movie and by a few people's performances. I was mostly skeptical about Ellen Page and Jesse Eisenberg (even though he seems like such a predictable choice, young and neurotic), but I was impressed! I thought that the humor was spot on - classic Woody! I thought the four vignettes played together beautifully and I enjoyed every character's stories. I personally think it was a very meaningful story with very obvious underlying messages about love, infidelity, life, fame, but it was done in such a humorous and lighthearted way. I think To Rome With Love may be one of my favorite contemporary Woody films. I know that's such a bold statement, but for me, that's how I feel. Also I got to enjoy this experience with my new friend Laksmi - which reminds me I have to write a post about that!

I hope everyone will enjoy the film as much as I did. I want to watch it again and just try to notice other aspects of the film. I read some awful reviews on IMDb and complaints about the commercial production of Italian films and how crappy they are and how apparently you could see the boom in all of the shots! Right! I totally did not notice it at all, since I was so absorbed by the film and the hilarity! Seriously if you enjoy a film that much, it doesn't matter how "shitty" the production is. No joke. Please watch To Rome With Love now and fall in love with Rome. Ciao!

to rome with laksmi
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